"I sometimes have a lot to say about the goings-on around me. Some may find them useful while others, offensive.
In any event, it will be the state of my mind when I write it. So some vision and hearing protection may be necessary."
—Jimmy Madden

June 5, 2012

Guys Who Ride Around in Trucks with Dogs

Filed under: Uncategorized — jimmy @ 5:53 pm

This morning I was in the laundry room doing, well, laundry and the dogs were barking. Nothing new there until I was bringing a clean load upstairs. I heard this awful dog crying/baying that sounded distinctly like a small dog in pain. By this time, Josh and Cora were going crazy.

Hearing how close the noise was, I opened the front door and it was coming from right in front of the next door neighbor’s house. I ran off the steps and across the lawn. When I came around the tree line, a guy was crouched over a brown beagle on the side of the road. At first, I thought it had been hit by a car. When I asked if it was all right, he said he thought so. When I got closer he picked the dog up, her collar was off and he had a rope leader on the ground.

He explained he lived a few houses down the street and asked if I had an electric collar fence in our yard. I said, “Yes.”

“Oh, that’s what happened,” he said. “She got out and got stuck in your yard. She was biting me when I tried to take her collar off. She was getting lit up pretty good.”

He explained that he also has one because of the deer that go through his yard drive his dogs bonkers too. The collar he had in his hand looked a little different than the ones we use. Not the collar really, the module that has the correction nodes on it. His was much bigger and appeared to have some kind of adjustment dial. Our system only has the send unit and the wire that runs the entire perimeter of our yard, front and back. There are also three remote units that plug into outlets and keep the dogs from jumping through the front window, keep them off the stairs (for the safety of the cats) and from leaping through the HDTV in the family room in the case of anyone wearing red, looking directly into the camera, or happens to be an animal. They even know the songs of commercials that contain things they like to bark at. But I digress.

So the man with the dog kept trying to explain how he was driving by with the dogs in the back and one got out. Her name is “Sugar.” She seemed like a nice old beagle and I couldn’t quite grasp how “she got out” of what. The back of the truck? Her yard? It didn’t – and still doesn’t – make sense to me and I didn’t press the issue. The dog was fine.

Moral: Invisible Canine Fences or anything like them are for confining your dogs to YOUR property. If you take them somewhere else, don’t leave the electronic collars on them. It reminds me of my brother’s radar detector. Riding down the street, that thing beeps and boops at the oddest times. Usually, it is because of the x-rays emitted from doors on shopping centers and banks, etc., and make it react. It isn’t law enforcement but if we are looking for places to go with automatic door openers, that device has more than one use.

The same is true if the dog you are attempting to keep close gets excited enough to leave the confinement field. They are so hell-bent on chasing something that they ignore the correction. Once they get outside the field, they don’t have that same sense of excitement to return home and cannot. That, is a dangerous situation and the exact opposite of the reason for the electronic fence in the first place. You have locked your dog out, they don’t know how to get back in and all the predicaments you are trying to protect them from are a clear and present danger.

January 24, 2012

Crop Circles

Filed under: Uncategorized — jimmy @ 4:31 pm

Growing up, or at least spending the years from 3 to 21 in Wynantskill, N.Y., gave way to many small-town customs that apparently have not gone away with modern technology so prevalent and available.

This is a satellite view from here of the ball fields on Main Avenue where the Wynantskill School once was and became the Town Offices and Public Library. Back when I was living there it was just known as the “school field.”

It was where the best playground in town was. There were swings of varying height and seat style. I preferred the wooden seat because the ones that were flexible rubber were too tight on my tiny ass. Why that was, I don’t really know because if the chains were let’s say, 16″ apart at the top, my bony butt certainly didn’t spread them further than that. But that’s how I remember it.

There were see-saws, we called teeter-totters, 2 sets of monkey bars with one set that I felt I mastered quickly and the other one, mostly square units of cubes that were capped at the top with another smaller cube like a smaller present on top of a larger one. These monkey bars were tougher for me becasue the bars were farther apart and I had trouble navigating them because I was so small.

Two giant slides stood side by side. There were great rails on both sides of the ladder so I climbed with confidence and I could propel myself down the slide by pushing off at the top and getting a little more speed. Newton had proven a few years earlier that I wouldn’t go any faster down that slide than any kid twice my size but that’s not how my mind worked then.  Finally, there was a tennis court with a basketball hoop at each end. On rare occasions, there was actually a net strung across the court but mostly, it was where we played half-court basketball. Sometimes bigger kids and younger adults would play full-court but I lacked the skills required back then.

This Mecca was built solidly on a macadam (black-top) surface except where the slides emptied onto the grass but you started climbing from the macadam. No thought was given to the odds that somebody, somewhere, at sometime was going to fall off one of these apparatus and bruise their noggin, break a limb, or worse, split their god-damned head open. Of course all of these would come to pass and be my early learning experiences about the nature of gravity, the unforgiving quality of asphalt and it’s inherent abrasiveness against soft tissue and bone and an introduction to biology and first-aid.

This whole area was located on the backside of the school and the building formed a 90 degree angle that faced our house across the field. So I knew when these unfortunates that were getting their first lessons in these subjects because the school formed a perfect amphitheatre of all the sounds next to it. Sitting at the dinner table with the windows open on a summer’s eve, came the normal clanking and clinking of the chains on the swings, the bonk of the teeter-totter and the occasional, “Ungh!” – pause- and the crying. We kind of had an innate knowledge of when to get up from the table or stop watching TV if the pitch, volume and urgency of the clamor signaled the real life show that would begin with the arrival of the North Greenbush Ambulance.

When we would run out of the house, my mother would ask us where we were going and if just going across the street, we would just yell, “The school.” One of the greatest features of the “school,” was next to the the daunting set of monkey bars sat an incinerator. The school janitors, Winnie Coons and Tom Derby who double-dutied as district bus drivers, would take the trash and burn it every day. In those days, it was a scorched earth philosophy. Everything burned if you got it hot enough from the cardboard, test papers, colored construction paper chains to the trash from the cafeteria. The incinerator was made of diamond plate steel on a concrete slab. It had a lid that had a big concrete counterweight to aid opening it but let it close on its own. There was a chimney and a little slanted roof covering it.

The incinerator held a kind of spell on me. I have always been a fan of fire. My father was a local volunteer fireman, as was I when I turned 18. He held several officer posts with the fire department and ultimately became an elected fire commissioner of the town. My brother and I always had fires going, in the barrel in the back yard, the fireplace off the patio, and sometimes under the wooden front porch. We never set them malisciously or on anyone else’s property. I mean, we respected fire; we controlled it. We used it for good. Like blowing up cherry bombs to create a shower of ash or explode an aerosol can. We ignored the ‘Do not incinerate’ instructions on such things. There a lot of pine trees in our yard. When you cut the bark it ran with pitch, pitch that burned. So we had the odd controlled ‘burning tree’ from time to time. They never got out of control.

Our parents trusted us. One, because my of our dad’s positions in town and the education it provided us on the subject and two, because we learned how to stay ahead of any problems. Once though, we were under the front porch just burning pine needles which caused a lot of smoke, and our mother came out and caught us. She put an end to our fun. The matches were then always to be accounted for and our focus moved on to other things.

I still love fire. I cook over open flame when we go camping. I make the fires too. I love having a fire in our fireplace and we also enjoy tremendously having a fire in “Maddening Heights,” our corner of our yard now where we go to relax. I have passed on my skills to Richie as well. So he can build one while I’m at work and we don’t have to do it by flashlight when I get home.

I remember one night in Wynantskill, I was “sleeping out” with my friend, Donny. It couldn’t have been too late at night because I would always fall asleep early. So we heard all this noise coming from the school. There was breaking glass and laughing. We went to investigate. There were two guys running along the school building breaking the windows as they went. It wasn’t too hard to recognize who they were. Donny and I went back to the sleep-out and tried to decide what we would do. We couldn’t tell anyone. At that point in history justice moved rather slowly. It was better not to say anything. However, the next morning when people started noticing all the broken windows a crowd began to form. Donny and I went over and just in conversation with another kid from our neighborhood, mentioned who we saw doing it. HE went and told his father who, in turn, informed the school authorities.

Somehow it got back to the two guys who did it that Donny and I had witnessed the whole thing. What they failed to acknowledge was it was the other kid’s father who ratted them out and not us. That didn’t matter. My life in Wynantskill for the next few years until I entered high school would be hell, looking over my shoulder and always trying to keep in mind where those two guys were. Not what you want to spend your spare time doing as a kid. Years later I would wind up drinking beer and smoking pot with those guys but in the meantime, I was a bullied kid.

The “school field” was also the site of many nights watching the Wynantskill Fire Department softball games. I loved softball. After years of being a shrimp and a terrible Little Leaguer, I still loved the game and there was also the romance of beer drinking before during and after games that had its allure. The Fire Department would play other fire teams and Longo’s Restaurant had a team made up of the guys who hung out there regularly. The Longo’s/Fire Department rivalry was the stuff of legend. There were so many real characters on these teams. In the middle of it all was one guy who was always the umpire, Eddie Margosian. Eddie relished his role and played it to the hilt. He was also at times, not a very good umpire.

You had 20 guys playing with grace and sometimes not and the colorful by-play that familiarity breeds. Then you had Eddie. He was the wild card and the 11th man. You never knew which team he would actually represent until it was over. I loved those games.

When I was finally old enough to play beer league softball, we formed a team that generally were the guys from Panichi’s Atlantic gas station which was also next to my house and looked out on the school field. When they got the team shirts, they had gone to Pressman’s Army-Navy in Troy to get the appliques applied. The one Donny Panichi and Tom Kehn chose was a guy on a hot-rod tractor called, “Sodbuster.” That’s who we were, the Sodbusters. We played for years and rarely won a game but it was fun and we were joining the guys we had seen play for years as almost contemporaries.

One year, we finally got to play the Firemen in a local tournament held in the field. I was so excited, I could barely sleep the night before. If I did, I was dreaming of the next day’s game. It finally came and we took the field. We got our asses kicked by the Firemen and it was so bad, at one point our outfielders took to throwing a football back and forth causing Eddie to call a halt to game.

Back to quaint traditions. It would appear from the satellite photo that even in the age of the Internets and video games, someone still gets some kind of pleasure from doing late-night doughnuts in the school field. Or, as I have always thought, perhaps that field would make a perfect landing spot for a space ship.

December 29, 2011

Hello Again

Filed under: Uncategorized — jimmy @ 10:00 pm

Upon the repeated urging of my husband, Richie Madden, I am going to begin blogging here. I am still trying to go back to pre-stress levels created by my work in the retail industry.

Our Christmas was a success. We are more than happy to just relax in each other’s company, make our family phone calls then spend the rest of the days we have off drinking, eating, napping and loving each other. We didn’t spend a lot of money on presents this year. Our gift was a new furnace. And while snuggling under comforters in front of the fire is terribly romantic on Christmas, it isn’t very practical for the remaining 4 months of cold weather in the northeast.

I come from a place where cold and snowy winters are the norm but one winter while serving as a volunteer fireman in my village, our truck got frozen to a broken hydrant that forced us to stay attached via a 4-inch line for many more hours than a normal Tuesday drill prescribed. Combined with an ill-fitting pair of fire boots, the blood circulation to my toes was partially cut off and I damn near froze them off. Now, whenever my feet get the slightest bit cold, I react by curling my toes under without thinking about it, even when brushing my teeth.

So I am no longer a fan of cold weather, or colder than say, 40 degrees. I like snow on Christmas and don’t even mind clearing the driveway with my snowblower providing I can relax afterwards with a warming drink. Beyond that, I dislike having to dress in layers, find my mittens/gloves/scarf every time I have to leave the comfort of our home.

I dunno. California would be nice; the politics aren’t that fucked up but I don’t know how we could afford to live where we want. Florida, nice but we’re not fans of hurricanes, giant bugs or christian fuckheads trying to take away our rights. North Carolina is beautiful and the price is right but they aren’t so dissimilar politically to Florida.

So onto the new year. Hopefully, some of our financial turmoil will take a break or at least settle down. This is my first post in a while and Richie wants me to continue and this is just what’s on my mind at the moment. Hell, that’s what blogs are, right?

March 21, 2011

Apologies to Don Ho

Filed under: Uncategorized — jimmy @ 11:11 pm
At the precise moment that Spring 2011 arrived Richie and I were 4 hours and 21 minutes into a champagne extravaganza our friend and host called, “Spring Bubbles.” Invitees, about 15 of us, were encouraged to bring at least one bottle per person of moderately priced champagne or methode champenoise. We chose Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label Brut and Nicolas Feuillatte Brut. We like the Bruts over the Extra Dry because they are less sweet and taste like, well, grapes.
That being said, I found my palate for determining the subtle differences from bottle to bottle to be, at best, severely lacking. While I have a very heightened sense of smell – I can tell if the dryer is running or if the oven is on and I can not only tell that the neighbors are grilling 75 to 100 yards away, but what they are cooking – my ability to taste subtleties in flavors is positively pedestrian.
The party was an overwhelming success and our host promised to make it an annual event. We knew all but one person that attended so it was very comfortable and you could tell just by the volume of the laughter how long we had been at it. There was no music to talk over just each other’s story telling and joking. It was very organic and natural. Don’t let anyone tell you there is not magic in a bottle – or several – of champagne.
I like tasting things and I don’t like everything. There are some foods I just don’t want in my mouth. Like, why do I enjoy salmon in sushi or smoked with creamed cheese but baked or poached salmon makes my skin crawl? I have tried over the years to like caviar. I could never get over that fishy flavor and just enjoy the fresh briny taste and the creamy texture. Yesterday that changed. I ate some caviar on canapés and liked it. Ate more on tiny potatoes and liked it even more. A moment of personal growth. Richie ate some and liked it too. We decided to drink more champagne to celebrate our mutual milestone. [the faint fanfare of tiny horns]
But still, I could not make any determining remarks on the champagne beyond whether I liked one more than another. In the end, I wound up ranking Veuve Clicquot the best and not just because it was what we brought. It has a complexity that develops while it sits on your tongue. The bubbles are plentiful and small. I found myself going back to that more often than any of the others. That’s the best I can come up with.
I’m still not going to be trying the baked salmon anytime soon but I have made a firm commitment to grilling some with an herb rub that might bring me around. But what of the cut? Steaks or fillets? I have more research to do.

March 15, 2011

A Moment of Clarity?

Filed under: Uncategorized — jimmy @ 11:12 pm
Since the beginnings of civilization there have been gay people. And since that time people in power ‘chose’ to proffer that homosexuality is outside the ‘norm,’ simply because only a select few practice it. I won’t comment on whether the bible holds homosexuality in contempt or not. The Brother’s Grimm chose not to comment on it either so we will just leave scripture in its just classification of contrived fiction.
But what threat have gays ever posed to the world?
Because historically, since we’ve been sidelined and therefore unable to fully participate in the direction of our societies and so called, ‘civilizations,’ we aren’t responsible for the hateful ways neighbors, communities, towns, cities, states, countries, and nations treat even the people they consider EQUAL.
So I fail to see what threat gays, and our fight for equal rights, really pose to society as the haters would like us to believe. We haven’t been part and parcel to the religious bigotry towards other beliefs that have contributed to just about every mass genocide or any other cide throughout history. By proportion, we are still relegated to the role of Stepin Fetchit in the machines that administer our daily lives. Yes, we are increasingly holding a great many elected offices. But how many openly gay CEO’s are there in companies that they didn’t create? If we do run for office, our primary identity is that we are gay. Nevermind our ideas for communal betterment. Nobody runs for office for fear they will have to defend that they are heterosexual or worse; married.
When you think about it, our struggle is more of a comparison to that of women’s rights. We are capable of decisive action and working toward the common good without worrying about our decisions affecting our hold on power. Our insight as that of outsiders renders a thoughtfulness while making progressive plans for governing that take into account how those plans will affect those who may not be fully represented.
The argument that gay marriage will bring about the downfall of traditional marriage or society in general is a fallacy. Non-gays have been in control from the beginning and from all accounts, our past and our future are pretty much fucked. Gays are the salvation not the problem.
Maybe, just maybe, if the world could embrace the concept that gays are just another facet in life overall, our opinions, our gentility, our creative processes, and our love could very well be the answer to what ails what is so casually called, ‘humanity.’
The entire species is in a battle to survive from war for its primitive, and primarily sectarian, reasons, the greed that drives the few that possess it to never relinquish it and its power, that greed and how it has threatened the environment which miraculously manages to sustain us in spite of it, and the pain and separatism inflicted in the name of heterosexual dominance.
Yes, those of us who are gay are not in the sexual majority but if you consider the amount of time out of our daily lives that sex really occupies, we should be more fearful of people who sleep less than others. Who knows what they are doing while we sleep? Are they plotting against us? Are they going to steal our livestock? Are they going to kill me in my sleep? Are they going to destroy the idea that I deserve my dominant position of sleeping 8 hours a night?
So who is the real enemy here? Not gays. Gay people are identified because of who we love. What’s wrong with love? Non-sleepers are not normal. To not want to sleep is evil and you know how you get when you don’t get enough sleep.

March 9, 2011

The Dryer Vortex

Filed under: Uncategorized — jimmy @ 11:12 pm

Ever wonder why socks disappear in the laundry? How do zombies enter our brains? You know in your heart there is something “out there.” Look no further than your clothes dryer.

That’s right. The workhorse of the average household is the portal to another world of secrets of which we have all witnessed the results.

Think about it: it has a door you can’t get through with an inner passage just out of our reach of reasoning. The lint disappears and so do your socks, albeit one at a time. And what of the dryer softener sheets we add? I use two most of the time, yet more often than not, only one is left to be tossed at the end of a cycle.

I don’t profess to have any answers but if you’re being attacked by zombies and all your windows and doors are locked, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

© Jimmy Madden